Why Do We Really ...

Honesty is the best image. -- Tom Wilson

I was perusing the Weight Loss Forum's diaries today and came across a story about a girl who had started her weight loss journey after her fiance called off their engagement. Her posts were so brutally honest about her weight loss, self image and perspective. Though she was more often than not positive, she was quite real.

Her situation made me think of why I really decided to embark upon this journey myself, a journey I had undertaken many times, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing. Why am I here again today? What's the current honest answer?

Of course, my upcoming wedding is a factor but it feels so far away that it's unreal. The most recent impetus is a concern about my relationship with my fiance. Though I'm fully aware that he would seemingly love me no matter what, of course he would be more attracted to me and in turn more committed to me if indeed, I were as thin as I was when we first started dating. Over 30lbs thinner to be exact.

A constant paranoia of mine is infidelity. The infidelity statistics in marriages are staggering. What drives people who at one point loved each other enough to commit the rest of their lives to each other to cheat? I'm going to have to assume that the number one reason is that most people let themselves go. Obviously, look at the 60%+ overweight rate in the US. I'd bet that most of those people weren't overweight when they got married. Not to say that overweight people don't get married, because obviously they do, but by and large, I don't think most people start their marriages/relationships that way.

So of course, I would love to lose these lbs so that I can start a new life with my fiance that includes me looking the way I want to look, seeing that look in his eyes that shows me he likes how I look too. It's a look that I see glimmers of from time to time, but no where near as often as I used to when I was thinner. Plus, these are my optimal days to achieve the figure I want so that all I have left to do is maintain it for the rest of my life. Well, at least until I have kids.

After reading that girl's diary though, my heart went out to her part of me feeling like she should forget about him because he couldn't love her no matter what including her weight, but the other part made me afraid for myself and my situation. And now, because of her, I'm done standing still. Time to move forward and turn that dial back on the scale.